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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27999792">i gayve you hot chocolate &amp; my heart</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/JMoonrise/pseuds/Sapphic-Mia'>Sapphic-Mia (JMoonrise)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supergirl (TV 2015)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>;), F/F, chocolate flavored kisses, for the purpose of keeping warm, full of holiday goodness, fun in the snow, lots of hot chocolate and of course cookies, may contain lots of hand holding and cuddles by the fire, sort of canon-ish, through the end of s1, which leads to some good old fashioned bed sharing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 19:15:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,607</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27999792</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/JMoonrise/pseuds/Sapphic-Mia</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>“Can I ask you something?”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Sure.”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Um not to sound rude or anything, but what the fuck? How are you not cold? It’s literally freezing and you’re soaked.”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>It occurs to Kara that she is in fact soaked to the skin, her wet clothes clinging to her. Her hair sticks to the contours of her neck and she grins sheepishly. By human standards, she should be halfway to her deathbed, dying of pneumonia or confined to bed with a cold at any rate. “Wh— yeah it’s really cold, brr.” She shivers for added effect, though she doesn’t think her new friend is fully convinced.  </i>
</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kara Danvers &amp; Lena Luthor, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>198</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i gayve you hot chocolate &amp; my heart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This chapter is for <a href="https://sheltereredturtle.tumblr.com">
    <em>Sheltered Turtle</em></a>. You should check out their art. It's amazing.  But also thanks to SaturnSilk for the encouragement, and N&amp;N for being the best hype people.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <iframe></iframe>
</p><p>
  <em> 13 years ago </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Snow falls around them, covering the roads in a light powder, transforming the world outside of the car into a winter wonderland. It’s unlike anything that existed on Krypton, at least since she was born. She sits there eagerly, watching it all happen. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Everything is still and white. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It’s her second winter on earth and she’s still learning and seeing things for the first time.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Alex showed her some movies last year with all of the frozen precipitation. She was confused at first why people were mesmerized by flakes falling from the sky until Alex explained a bit more about the shifting seasons and how in some places- - like their home of Midvale- - snow never falls because of the climate. It’s too warm, so people take trips to see it. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Kara almost asked Eliza last year if they could go see snow, but after all the business with Jeremiah, she felt as if she had been enough of a burden on the Danvers family. The least she could do was allow them to stay home for the holidays with all of their memories of their missing family member. She knows what it is to miss someone and she wouldn’t wish that on anyone.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> This year, she was less tentative around her adoptive mother, she worked up the courage to ask about traveling anywhere that had snow.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She wants that magic she saw on tv. She wants to feel normal in a place where she is anything but normal. She wants what the rest of the world has and maybe she’s not human, but she can experience human things. She can take trips and sit around the roaring fire, watching the world outside shift around her. She wants to know it’s okay for her to exist in a place that is not her own.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Outside, a world of white blossoms before her very eyes as they continue down the highway headed towards their final destination.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Alex has barely exchanged a few syllables with anyone since Eliza announced they were taking a trip over their break instead of remaining home for the two weeks. She was upset about leaving her friends, particularly Vicki, but for Kara, she has no friends at her school and the concept of leaving excites her. Being anywhere that isn’t a constant reminder of just how much she’s lost is an improvement over her everyday life.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> All of the students find her strange and she generally flies under the radar. It’s all a part of blending in and she thinks she must be doing a decent job of it if she’s able to stay invisible. Though it is lonely when not even your own sister wants anything to do with you, Kara has found comfort in books and movies.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Earth is different from her home world. Sometimes to limit the searing impact of her own pain, to prevent herself from further feeling the loss of Krypton, her parents, her friends, her family, and her whole identity and spiralling into a deep abyss, she reads. She devours book after book, glimpsing into the lives of others, absorbing their pain to escape her own. It’s through the exploration of people who should have had no connection to her that she’s begun to weave the pieces of her own tattered story together and heal.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It’s a balm to her soul that no matter where she is in the universe, there are some aspects about the living condition of conscious beings that are simply universal.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Kara presses her face to the window, cognizant and careful of the pressure she applies, knowing all too well how easy it is for her to break things. She’s responsible for more than a dozen repairs in the last year to the Danvers’ home. But now, after many practice sessions and training herself to apply the gentlest of touches, she can touch things without them crumbling to dust or being crushed by the slightest twitch of her hands. Sometimes when her emotions get the best of her, she forgets herself and accidents happen.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Are we almost there, Eliza?” Kara asks, and she is so earnest that even Alex has no immediate snappy retort.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Eliza shoots her a smile in the rearview mirror. It’s another one of those things she had to learn the name and purpose of when she arrived. There was definitely no equivalent on her home planet. Cars are a novelty to her. It was scary the first time she was required to get into one. She stared at it with fear, eyes flicking between Eliza and the car, unsure she trusted the hunk of metal to transport her to school. “Yes sweetie, we have about another fifteen minutes left.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Kara gives her a thumbs up and smiles, though still tinged with the same sadness she arrived on their doorstep with over a year ago, it’s softer at the edges and her eyes are less dim—there’s a glimmer of life sparkling back. Kara leans back towards the window, folding her arms over the armrest on the door to peer at the unknown world once again.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It’s quiet.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> In her near fourteen cycles, she’s experienced different types of quiet and loudness. There’s the oppressive quiet, highlighting her loneliness in the Phantom Zone and then there’s the boisterous atmosphere of Metropolis, a booming city that never stops. It was overwhelming the first time she visited her cousin. Her head constantly hurt from the influx of too many lights and sounds, all of it was disorienting and left her unable to focus on much. Returning home eased the constant migraine she had in Metropolis. Her cousin told her it would get better. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> But this is different from all of that. It’s bright, almost blinding outside of her window. Yet, there is no familiar pounding in her head to accompany the sight. And though it is not entirely silent with the tread of the car gliding across the mountain road, the loud whir of the engine, or the swish and squeak of the wipers working to keep the flurries at bay, it’s serene. It’s a feeling she has missed. She extends her hearing to hear the gentle clink of the snow as it falls to the ground, the whistle of the wind as it dances with the flakes, and her eyes grow wide with delight.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The trees are clothed in a white blanket, branches reaching out for a warm hug. She misses the viridescent landscape of spring, but is growing to appreciate the beauty of winter. It is like watching the world be born again.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It’s refreshing how often the earth changes and to watch these changes with her own eyes. There’s a transformation with each passing season. The seasons on her planet had less variety and there were no trees, hadn't been for a long time. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>On Earth, she’s watched the beginnings of spring with the clearing of lingering grey skies and the gentle bloom of delicate buds, filling the world with colour once again. And then she observed the slow withering of the grass as it lost the lively green of spring, dulling into a brown as the temperatures rose and the trees started shedding. Returning to the first season she experienced, the queen of all the seasons, autumn. The days grew cooler and the trees danced in the wind as their leaves changed to sharp and vibrant reds, oranges, and yellows before softly drifting to the ground to be trampled or collected.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> This year she finally gets to marvel at the changes winter brings. Not much is different in her town of Midvale besides the bare branches and sometimes angry waters. The sky is a wintery blue or a blurry grey, but there’s never any snow to bring the world to life— to transform the dreariness that is Midvale into something truly magical, something to capture the imagination. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Eliza drives carefully up the mountain, attentive to her speed, foot loose on the brake and hands steady on the wheel.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It took Kara time to adjust to cars from the speed to the mechanical whir of the engine to the ear-piercing slamming of doors. She was accustomed to more efficient modes of transportation. Though she rarely had an opportunity to travel outside of Argo. Her society was by far more advanced than what she’s seen on earth. But Kara has noted in many ways, it was her people that were primitive and backwards. There’s so much affection and love- - and the right to feelings no matter what they are. Alex told her she was allowed to be angry and to be sad. The two emotions were bedfellows, and it was possible for them to coexist. Eliza made sure to impress upon her that while entitled to her feelings, how she expressed them was a choice.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “So tell me again what people do at ski resorts?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Alex heaves a sigh, pivoting around to face Kara. She has the look of annoyance Kara has come to know well with her lips pinched and eyes barely holding in her unrestrained fury. “Aren’t people from your planet supposed to be smart and have good memories?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Kara catches the faint intake of breath from Eliza. Anytime Krypton is mentioned, she freezes, as if waiting for Kara to crack and shatter into a million pieces. Maybe a year ago she might have when it was all fresh and a newly opened wound, but slowly layers have formed over it and it’s not exposed and gaping open, gushing blood.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I mean yeah, but I’m excited Alex. We didn’t have anything like this on my planet. We didn’t engage with frivolous stuff.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “You’re really going to have to learn how to speak like a normal person. People our age don’t use the word frivolous.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It’s another reminder she’s not normal, anything but. Alex rarely means harm with her cutting remarks about her lack of blending, but it stings all the same to know she’s failing. Many of her peers stare at her like she’s some gross, gooey slug when she uses words outside of the everyday vernacular. “I’m sorry.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “It’s whatever.” There’s a note of contrition in Alex’s voice. It’s the closest she’ll ever get to an apology. “But there’s a spa, skiing, snowboarding, hiking, and of course no cell service.” The last part is directed at Eliza. Alex has been vocal about needing her phone to keep in contact with her friends. However, Eliza has made it clear that she thinks some time away from her friends is exactly what Alex needs and it won’t hurt her to spend time with her sister. “I don’t know why it matters. You’ll probably hide in our room the whole time anyway.” Kara does her best to hide the way her face falls, turning her gaze back to the window, brushing away angry tears. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Kara hates the effect Alex’s words have on her. Alex knows where to strike and she’s attacking where Kara is weakest. Does it make her nervous to interact with new people? Yes. It’s overwhelming and new places only worsen that feeling, but the counsellor at her school recommended she try things outside of her comfort zone.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> And so she is. She’s going to prove to Alex and Eliza that she’s okay. She doesn’t need a babysitter in her sister and she can take care of herself. She’s no longer that fragile girl who had sensory overload every time she walked out the house or freaked out when the bell rang. She’s grown and put herself back together into someone much stronger than the terrified twelve year old shoved out of the Phantom Zone into the 21st century.   </em>
</p><p>
  <em> They drive past a sign informing them of their impending arrival at Pine Acres Ski Resort. Kara glues her face to the window, tears forgotten, as Eliza turns left and makes her way down the winding road, lined on both sides by pine trees cloaked in white. She can hear the sound of the ski lift in the distance, the dim chatter of other guests, and her excitement nearly bubbles over. This is happening.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The trees begin to thin out and once the car moves through the copse, Kara gets her first view of the resort, situated at the base of a mountain, buried under sheaths of snow. There are thickets of trees, obscuring some of the view, but if she looks further, she sees the trails and people making their way down the mountain. While they move quickly, it’s still nothing compared to her when she runs or flies, not that she’s supposed to know that.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The lodge reminds her of a castle, something right out of the Hallmark films she and Alex watched together. There’s a large, sprawling lawn, open and welcome, extending out to the edge of the water. Kara manages to catch a glimpse of the frozen over lake before they make their way round to the front. They drive passed the skating rink and Kara’s eyes glaze over as she watches people glide across the ice with ease— some holding hands, others showing off— people hanging out with their cups of hot chocolate and their treats, chattering about casually. She longs to be like that, converse with others without worrying if she’ll sound like a robot- - and to just hang out and be a regular person.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Can I try that?” She jerks her thumb in the direction of the rink, eyes glued to the people floating on the ice almost as if they’re flying. She misses that feeling of freedom. So maybe even though she’s grounded—as far as flying goes—she can recapture that feeling through a different activity.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Alex scoffs. “You can barely go down the stairs without tripping all over yourself and you think you can skate?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Well maybe not at first.” But seriously? How hard could it be? If she can figure out the whole powers thing, maybe she can master ice skating or at least how not to fall and crack the ice. “I won’t know until I try.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I don’t know honey,” Eliza starts. It’s her polite way of saying no without actually using the word no. Kara is acquainted with the tone and the phrase after a year of hearing it. “We will have to see. Maybe Alex can teach you.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Mom!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Eliza!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The last thing she wants is Alex to feel as if she’s being forced to spend time with her. It’s tense enough without forced bonding activities. Eliza continues to try and cultivate some feelings of good will between them that eventually fall flat when neither is willing to participate. Eliza has good intentions and perhaps one day, Alex won’t look at her like she’s scum and the reason for all things bad. But they aren’t there yet.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Eliza slows to a stop outside the door to the lobby. Kara catches a peek of a large stone fireplace and fancy carpet with some comfy look sofas just out of view. “Now you two, stay here while I handle check in. Please try not to kill each other.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “No promises.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “We will try.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Eliza shoots Alex a warning look and flashes a quick smile at Kara. “It’s all I ask. I’ll be back as soon as possible.” </em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <strong>Present</strong>
</p><p>“I’m fine Alex,” she sighs, voice strained, fingers twisting a loose thread on her sweater as she attempts to reassure her sister. She knows Alex worries for her and she’s essentially disappeared off the face of the earth after another close call. That’s all she seems to have these days, <em> close calls </em>. “I needed a break.” It’s the truth. It’s been one hell of a year and she needs a reprieve from the city, from her responsibilities as Supergirl, from the failure of another stilted romance. There was this desire— no need to escape from everything and just run away for a little while, to be Kara and only Kara. She’s exhausted in all the ways a person can be exhausted. </p><p>It all happened so quickly before she could think about what she was doing. It’s quickly becoming the story of her life-- acting before thinking. </p><p>She packed a bag, made a few calls, and then flew out. She considered calling her sister, but something stopped her from reaching out until now— hours after she made her decision and fled the city limits of their home. </p><p>Kara hates the distance that’s crept into their relationship. She once told her sister everything and now she has her own secrets. There are some things she has to bear alone. After coming out as Supergirl, they experienced a newfound closeness and then Alex killed her aunt. Logically, Kara understands it was necessary and her aunt was lost to her a long time ago, but that little girl forced to abandon the only life she knew can’t process it. She remembers the days of running to her aunt, jabbering on about every little thing in her life, avidly listening as her aunt talked about her work, soaking up all the praise offered to her, only to have that life snuffed out in an instant. </p><p>She thought discovering her aunt had survived, she could recover some semblance of normalcy--recapture the life she lost-- but she was wrong, more than wrong. </p><p>“<em>Well where are you? I’ll join you.” </em> </p><p>The last thing she ever wants is to hurt her sister, not after the year they’ve had. <em> But </em> the whole reason for this trip was for her to get away from her life including her sister. “No Alex, I want to be alone to think and it defeats the whole purpose if you joined me. I promise I’m fine and somewhere safe. If there’s an emergency only I can assist with then call me, but please try not to need me.”</p><p>She winces at the harshness of her own words. Yet says nothing to soften them. If there’s one thing she learned under the tutelage of Cat Grant, it’s the importance of self-care. Even Supergirl needs some of that every once in a while. She may not be a human, but she is a living being with her own needs. </p><p>“<em>Okay</em>,” Alex finally concedes. "<em>You're sure you're okay? This isn't your annual holiday moodiness is it?"</em></p><p>"No," Kara sighs, scrubbing her face. "It's not <em>that</em>. I just need time to recoup."</p><p>“<em>Fine. </em><em>I do love you and if you need anything, just know I’m a call away. </em>”</p><p>“I know,” she replies. “Thank you. I love you too.” She ends the call, tossing her phone to the side. </p><p>She leans back into the cushions, tucking her legs under her. Kara takes in her surroundings and tries not to let the familiarity of it all swallow her in her memories. There’s the welcome warmth and scent of an open fire, roasting chestnuts and mulled wine perfuming the air. And when she first arrived there was that cold, crisp scent of fresh fallen snow and pine. It took her back to the times she came with Alex and Eliza, before the world no longer made sense, and hiding her identity was of even more importance. </p><p>There’s rarely any time for <em> just </em> Kara with her recent accumulation of responsibilities. With Cat’s departure to parts unknown to explore the untapped parts of herself, she’s transitioned into a different role—one where she gets the opportunity to find some of her own fulfillment. And then there’s the expansion of her side gig as Supergirl. She gets to save countless people, help during disasters, and overall inspire people to aspire to the best versions of themselves. Still, there’s no time left for her at the end of the day. </p><p>She stares at the kindling flame, watching the flickers dance about, wishing she could feel the heat seep into her bones to warm her insides. She’s cold, so cold. The feeling is an old friend, come to reunite with her after a long, tremulous journey, and she greets it. It tethers her into place. </p><p>It happens without noticing. First one, then another, soaking her cheeks in their salty warmth and then she’s burying her face in her knees, gasping and choking, uncaring about the ugliness of it all. Everything seems to catch up to her in slow motion and she’s unable to halt what’s been started. </p><p>She lets go of the misery, the pleas for help that go unanswered, the regret weighing her down, the sorrow circulating through her system, and the guilt that settles deep in her soul -- holding her back at every turn. She cries not only for herself, but for everyone she loves and all those she has failed. </p><p>Coming out as Supergirl has helped her understand her cousin in ways previously unknown. Though she’ll never quite forgive him for leaving her with the Danvers as abruptly as he did—providing the flimsiest explanation for his inability to raise her—she understands the pressure he was facing. She needed a family and he gave her one. He knew that he couldn’t provide what she lost himself and found the next best thing. </p><p>And sure part of her will forever remain bitter that her only living family member barely had time for her, but she is proud of him. And she loves him much like how she loves her sister and Eliza. </p><p>He could have done anything with his powers and despite not personally being around to help guide him, he’s turned into an amazing person with a remarkable capacity to give and love. He’s become someone his parents would be proud to call their son. They waited a long time to have a child, creating him naturally, in spite of the status quo. They were so happy the day he was born. Her aunt and uncle never looked happier than to have their own child, and she was so fascinated by the tiny baby when they finally visited. She moves her thoughts along, refusing to dwell on her aunt and uncle to prevent herself from inevitably thinking of her parents. While it is the combination of her aunt and uncle's genes that created Kal, he’s the product of someone else’s work. </p><p>Kara prayed regularly her first year on earth for her parents to forgive her for her failings. She never meant for 24 years to separate them. She hadn’t wanted him to be alone without his family. Raised to believe in the divinity of Rao, she struggled not to challenge the concept of providence. How could it all have been fated? </p><p>For years, she lacked purpose. She devoted all of her energy to going unnoticed and to living a normal human life. She refused to throw away the sacrifices the people she loved made for her, so she did everything she could to make herself as human as possible. Kara thought she owed them her eternal gratitude for protecting her and giving her a chance to survive and thrive. And she would’ve continued on the same path if not for that plane with her sister aboard. Nothing had felt so fulfilling in years. She was a hero. She was forging her own path in the world, separate from her cousin and her sister. She saw her own way forward and she refused to put her powers back in the box. She was going to do her own thing and refused to allow anyone to talk her out of it. It was the first big choice she had ever really made for herself. </p><p>She regularly helped people and she saved the world. There was a greater purpose for her and she was just beginning to discover her destiny. Years ago in her final moments, her mother whispered about her hopes for Kara. Despite the delay, she hopes her parents are proud of who she has become. She hopes they feel they made the right choice by sending her offworld and saving her. </p><p>Beside her, her phone screen lights up with a dozen texts. She takes a long look at the device, eyes roaming over the names appearing before turning off the phone. She won’t be needing it tonight and all of her friends can wait. </p><p>Kara takes one last look at the enormous stone fireplace, a smile tickling her lips when she remembers, heaving herself off the sofa. She stretches, arms reaching overhead, yawning when she feels exhaustion crawling into her bones. She pockets her phone. She turns to leave the cozy atmosphere, only to run directly into someone else, knocking them to the floor. </p><p>She frowns at her own inattentiveness. It’s rare that she fails to notice the presence of another person.</p><p>“Oh golly, I’m so sorry. I’m a total klutz and didn’t even think to look before I turned.”</p><p>Kara reaches down to help up the dark haired woman. “Let me help you, it’s the least I can do for being so clumsy.” The woman extends her hand without looking up, electing to remain silent, causing the guilt toiling in Kara’s stomach to grow. What if she’s injured the woman and she’s now unable to speak? “Are you okay? Is there something I can do? Do you need a doctor?” She gently lifts her arm, pulling the woman with it. She’s mastered the art of carefulness with humans and she refuses to think about her incident with red K. “Oh god, have I rendered you mute? Please don’t sue me! I’m just a reporter and honestly don’t think I could swing it. Please, I’ll do anything.”</p><p>The woman calmly brushes off her pants, head hung low, hair curtaining her face and hiding any visible features. Kara drags her teeth over her lower lip, chewing as she awaits a response. “My sister is going to kill me,” she groans. It’s bad enough all of the unintentional damage she’s caused over the years, let alone the damage caused as Supergirl. Then there’s all the times she’s spilled the beans about her identity, resulting in Pam from HR beseeching her to be more careful and scolding her every time she needs a confidentiality form. “Look ma’am I profusely apologise for any harm I may have caused and will do whatever you lik—“ Her voice tapers off when the woman holds up a hand for Kara to stop. </p><p>And then she lifts her head, revealing the last person she expected. </p><p>The air from her lungs leaves her in a loud whoosh and she’s left gasping, “Lena?” She tries to hide the frisson of excitement flowing freely through her. A ribbon unfurls, reaching out, and she feels the connection spring to life like it's tangible.</p><p>The <strike>woman</strike> Lena’s forehead wrinkles, her eyes searching for something as she squints up at Kara. Confusion swirls in her green orbs as if she’s trying to put a puzzle together, but is missing a few pieces. Kara knows exactly which ones and she remembers this exact look. </p><p>It’s been over a decade since she last saw her. She’s never forgotten even when she was meant to.</p>
<hr/><p> <em>Kara bites her lip as she gets out of bed, cautious and anxious as she slides on her boots. Her gaze drifts to the other bed where her sister slumbers softly and she releases a sigh of relief when Alex rolls over, arm falling over the side of the bed. She zips up her coat and grabs a blanket from the closet, remembering at the last second to grab the room key. Sneaking out becomes moot if she can’t get back inside and has to knock on the door, hoping her sister will wake and grant her entrance. Alex would lord it over her, dropping hints in front of their mom, keeping Kara in a limbo state, guilt eating her alive until she felt compelled to just tell Eliza the truth herself.   </em></p><p>
  <em> The door closes with a gentle click. She listens for Alex’s heart, breathing out softly when she hears the steady beat and her even breathing, all signs Kara hasn’t disturbed her. She hopes Alex remains asleep until she returns, to avoid answering awkward questions and providing ammo for later use.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She creeps down the hall, footsteps light and silent, and patiently waits for the arrival of the elevator. She could use her powers and speed down the stairs, but she’s promised Eliza she would no longer use them and she refuses to break that after everything she’s done for her.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The fire crackles loudly, logs kindling and the smoky scent fills her lungs. Something sweet lingers in the air, a substance for which she has no name or comparison. The lobby is still and the night guy dozes softly at the check-in desk.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Kara uses the side exit and heads towards the lake. Snow drifts slowly, landing in her hair and eyelashes and she giggles. While she no longer feels the cold like she did on Krypton, she does feel a mild phantom twinge in her bones.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Kara lays out the blanket with the knowledge it’ll soak through, but she could care less. She kneels down, fixing the edges before laying back to look up at the shining city in the sky. The sky is clear and bright. A million stars stare back at her and she gazes in wonder at the beauty of the Milky Way. They had a different name for it in her own galaxy, but she likes theirs better. It’s strange for her to see the stars from a different point of view than that of Krypton.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> Even in Midvale without the city lights to block the view, it is often too bright to see anything properly unless she goes out to the woods with a telescope to aid her. And she has no idea how Kal manages in Metropolis after spending his entire childhood staring up at the night sky.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She searches until she finds the faint glow of Rao. While not visible to the naked eye, Krypton's light is still there, barely perceptible, heading towards its' own end. The last vestiges of Krypton will be gone in a little under two years. All reminders of her home, the proof of its’ existence will be nothing but a story to the beings of this planet. It’s all it really is to her cousin.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> How does she go on as the last true Kryptonian? Her cousin may share her abilities and the same genetic pool, but he has no recollection of the place of his birth, the stories of generations of El’s, their fathers’ scientific brilliance, the beauty of their red sun. He calls himself one of them when he’s really just a super charged human. He arrived young enough to not have the burden of memories and without her present to tell the history of their people.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Her lashes flutter a few times as she blinks the flakes and her own tears away. She hastily wipes her eyes. She elects to focus on the reason for why she came out tonight. She wants to marvel at the snow without Alex taunting her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Aware humans are unable to perceive snow the way she can, she zeroes in on the snowflakes, bewitched by their unique shapes. She thought it was some sort of silly thing people said in movies. But they really are different shapes and sizes, each one beautiful and special in their own way. She catches a few on her gloves, silently marvelling at them before they quickly melt away.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Peals of laughter erupt from her until her belly aches. It’s all so wonderful and she’s amazed. She sticks out her tongue to catch a few, giggling when they melt. She rolls off the blanket and waves her arms and legs in the snow. There was some movie or was it a tv show, maybe it was both, but she watched other children do this. It looked like fun to her. There wasn’t a lot of time for fun on her planet and she could never let loose like this in front of Alex.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She makes snow angels, uncaring about her wet hair and clothing. She’s here to have fun and create new experiences.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Ordinarily she would never be distracted enough for someone to catch her off guard, but she doesn’t hear the light crunch of snow until it’s too late. Expensive boots appear in her peripheral vision and her eyes dart up to meet the owner’s.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It’s a girl. Kara thinks she might be around her age.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Her eyes are an inky green, dark and troubled, a frown pulls at her mouth. Her skin is as smooth and pale as porcelain. Her dark hair spills out of her black cap, blown back by the wind, and Kara thinks she must be a Christmas angel. There’s nothing else to explain her delicate beauty. Her cheeks accentuate the curve of her face, her lips a soft pink, and her cheeks are beautifully flushed from the cold.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Kara wipes her sweaty palms on her wet pants, chuckling nervously as she sits up. She knows she looks a bit strange out here, rolling around in the snow and laughing like an idiot. Unable to meet the girl’s gaze, she scoots back onto her blanket.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The stranger regards her curiously, eyes carefully trailing over her prone form, lingering on her wet hair.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Um hi,” Kara greets, the wind whistles between them.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The silence continues for a beat longer as the girl tilts her head. She peers at Kara as if trying to solve an equation without the correct variables. A crinkle forms between her brows and the frown tugs her lips lower. Kara thinks it’s a shame when the girl is ridiculously pretty. She wonders what she would look like if she smiled- - there’s a strange whooping in her belly. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The girl shakes her head. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have disturbed you. I’ll just leave you to… it.” She waves her hand, nose crinkling as her gaze darts to Kara once more.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> When the girl turns to leave, Kara shoots up, arms reaching out helplessly to the girl. “Wait,” she shouts. “Don’t go.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The girl turns back around, brows drawing together. “Why? I’m pretty sure I bothered you.” She sounds genuinely confused.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Kara bites her lip. She’s not sure why she stopped the girl from leaving. She was waiting for a sign from the universe and then she appeared as if to answer her prayers. “I wasn’t really doing anything. You aren’t a bother. I could actually use the company.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “If you’re sure?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Kara bobs her head. “Yeah.” And she tries to hide the eagerness in her voice. The last thing she wants is to come on too strong and scare off a potential new friend.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Can I ask you something?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Sure.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Um not to sound rude or anything, but what the fuck? How are you not cold? It’s literally freezing and you’re soaked.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It occurs to Kara that she is in fact soaked to the skin, her wet clothes clinging to her. Her hair sticks to the contours of her neck and she grins sheepishly. By human standards, she should be halfway to her deathbed, dying of pneumonia or confined to bed with a cold at any rate. “Wh— yeah it’s really cold, brr.” She shivers for added effect, though she doesn’t think her new friend is fully convinced.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The girl’s mittened hands cover her mouth as she erupts into a series of giggles that remind her of chiming bells. Her eyes brighten and sparkle and Kara is breathless. “You’re funny.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Kara furrows her brows. “Thank you?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “So can I ask what you’re doing out here alone at almost midnight?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I could ask the same of you.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Touché.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Kara grins at her. “I guess I’m trying to find meaning or something.” She scoops up a handful of snow, allowing it to slide through her gloved fingers.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The girl’s brows shoot up. “Meaning in what? Life? The universe?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “My existence,” Kara shrugs.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “That’s pretty heavy.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “What can I say, I’m deep like that.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The girl snorts indelicately and Kara smiles before letting out a laugh of her own. “Sorry, sorry, it’s just I wasn’t expecting you to say that.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “You’re fine. But I’m out here because I just- - I was taught to believe there was a greater purpose for everything.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “So like providence?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I suppose that’s the best way to define it.” They had a word on her planet for it. There’s not really an exact equivalent on earth.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “If you don’t mind me asking, what could possibly be weighing on you?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Kara supposes unburdening herself to a stranger is better than some other alternatives. She knows not to reveal anything about her heritage; she’s become adept at veiling the truth of her origins. And it’s been a long time since she’s had anyone to talk to about anything important. There’s no one else who would willingly listen to her. Eliza's emotions get the best of her and Alex often ignores her, irritated by Kara's stories of her home world. And Kal... well Kal is never around. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Are you— I don’t want to keep you if you have somewhere you should be.” Granted it’s late and both of them should probably be in bed instead of outside by a frozen lake.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Trust me, there’s no one waiting for me.” There’s something about the delivery of her words that breaks Kara’s heart. She hates the idea that there’s no one who cares for this girl or would notice she’s gone. Kara would if she knew her.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Oh.” Kara understands more than she would care to admit. “Well you’re welcome to join me,” she offers, patting the open space beside her on the blanket. “I’ve been told I’m pretty warm.” Aside from Eliza, no one has hugged or cuddled with Kara in a long time. She misses the feeling of someone holding her, the touch of another person. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Her smile is bright, a beacon, reminding Kara of fireflies twinkling in the dark. The girl shuffles forward, kicking up snow in her wake as she makes her way towards Kara. She plops down beside her, trembling a bit when the wet blanket makes contact with her bottom. Kara wraps an arm around her, pulling her in close, and the girl tucks her head into Kara’s neck. “So what brings you out here? Isn’t it a bit cold for humans- - of which I am one as well.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The girl shoots her a strange look, smiling awkwardly, seeming to mentally brush off the weird comment. Kara holds her breath, anticipating the worst.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The girl blinks once, twice, thrice before speaking. Kara feels the flutter of her lashes against her skin. “You’re quite odd, but you know what?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “No, I don't.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The girl chuckles, the sound vibrates through Kara. “Well if you’d let me finish, I was going to add that I don’t care because you’re already more interesting than all the people I do know.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Um that’s good…? You must know a lot of people.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “A fair few,” she replies. “It is a good thing. The people I know tend to be the worst sort.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Worst sort?” She hasn’t quite learned all of the nuances of human communication and sometimes struggles with subtext. Some of the ways in which humans use language don’t quite make sense in her mind. There are times when her brain translates the words literally into Kryptonese and the meaning is lost on her. She’s gotten out of the habit of thinking in her native language. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Kara spends a significant portion of her school day studying the interactions of her classmates, imprinting their speech patterns to memory, and catching up on as much pop culture as she can. Still there are many things that fly over her head.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “You know like the wrong crowd? People who aren’t your friend but pretend they are?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The implication in her words being that Kara has friends and fake friends when she really has none. She doesn’t think any of her friends on Krypton were fake. But she has come to find that humans as a species in some subtler ways are distinctly different from Kryptonians. There wasn’t as much focus on status. Their society prided itself on productivity. Much of their lives were determined for them in the Matrix. Sometimes she misses the simplicity and predictability of her old life.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I don’t really have friends,” she admits, averting her eyes. She hopes this girl doesn’t think she’s a loser like the kids at school do. “The kids at school don’t like me much.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Then they’re not worth knowing.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Kara snaps her head up. “Wh-what? You just met me. How could you possibly know that?” All the kids called her weird and a loser within a day of her starting. They had to know something she didn’t. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I just do. Call it a gut feeling.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Gut feeling,” she murmurs. “By the way, don’t think I didn’t notice how you failed to answer my original question.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Nothing gets past you, does it?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Sharp as a tic.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “It’s actually tac.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Aw man, really?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Yeah,” she says, laughter in her voice. “You’re funny and cute. So if those kids at your school can’t see that then I say screw them.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Wow, you’ve got to be one of the nicest people I’ve met since coming to this pla— um to California.” The girl makes her feel all funny on the inside and it’s a little harder than usual to control her words. Part of it is the way she laughs freely with the occasional snort, not bothered if she sounds a little silly and uncool. She makes Kara feel less alone and reminds her that there are people out there who will like her. She has to wait for them, but it’ll happen if she’s believe in the divinity of Rao. If the universe was issuing out signs, then this girl has to be hers.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It’s easier to talk to this stranger than her own sister-- who she’s known for over a year. Alex barely lets her speak without rolling her eyes at something Kara has to say. She thinks if Jeremiah were still with them, Alex would like her. Instead she’s the girl who ruined Alex’s perfect life. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I’m glad,” she says. “Would you like some hot chocolate?” She holds up a thermos and Kara bites her lip. She shouldn't. The girl clearly needs it more than she does, but it's also chocolate and she's offering. "I mean... if you don't mind sharing."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Not at all." She pours a cup for Kara, passing her the mug, whilst drinking directly from the thermos. "I love hot chocolate. My mom used to make it for me."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"She doesn't anymore?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"She died."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Oh." If there's anything Kara understands, it's death. "My mom died too."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'm sorry. Were you close?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Yeah." She sips the warm beverage to avoid answering questions about her mom. All she can ever focus on is the last moments in the hangar and that’s not how she wants to remember her. "Were you? Close with your mom that is."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I think so," she answers. There's a deep furrow in her brow. It piques Kara's curiosity, but she holds her tongue, mindful that not everyone is open to talking. "It's okay. I know you want to ask. She died when I was young, so I don't actually remember her. There are some memories that stick out and hot chocolate is one of them."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"That's lovely that you have that to hold onto." She wishes she could eat some of the foods she and her mom would share on the nights her dad stayed late in the lab. It's just another thing gone to her that she can never recover. "My mom and I would eat my favorite sweets when my dad worked late. Normally she wouldn't let me, but she said those nights were special." And they really were. She told her mom about school, her excitement about being the youngest member to join the science guild. She wanted her mom to be proud of her even if she wasn't following the same path. "She's been gone a long time now, but sometimes it feels as if it just happened." Her mom has been gone longer than her physical age. Kara's mourning period was delayed and she spent years drifting in and out of consciousness, not fully aware, but some part of her numb and when she landed more than two decades later, her pain was as fresh as the day it happened. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The girl covers Kara's hand with one of her mittened ones, snuggling closer, lips brushing her forehead. Kara leans into her touch, soaking up the comfort and affection given to her from this compassionate stranger. "It feels as if you're supposed to be someone else and it's all been stolen from you."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That's exactly it. She lacked the words before to convey her feelings. But this girl managed to capture the sentiment perfectly. She was Kara Zor-El, science prodigy, daughter of Allura and Zor-El, member of the Noble House of El. And now, she's still Kara. She gets to keep that part of her identity. Instead of Zor-El though, she's a Danvers now. She no longer spends her days dreaming up scientific advancements. Instead, she attends school with other people her age, resigned to performing lower than her capabilities so as not to draw attention to herself. "I was going to do so many amazing things with my parents there to watch and then... my whole world fell apart. Sure I'm luckier than most in my position, and I don't want to sound ungrateful..."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"But you can't help wanting that life back. You want things to make sense and to be with the people who knew and love you from the start." Kara hears the wistfulness in her voice, the same longing that she feels every day when the loss hits her all over again. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>They each sit there, lost in their own thoughts, sort of holding hands as they sip their hot chocolate, taking comfort in one another’s presence. It’s nice. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The girl shivers and Kara knows it’s time for them to go inside. She downs the remainder of her drink, handing her new friend back the plastic cap. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kara pushes herself up, holding a hand out to her new friend. She smiles when the girl takes her hand. She knows it’s impossible given the girl is physically cold and their hands aren't physically touching, but she feels warmth flow through her when their hands meet. When the girl is standing, Kara releases her tingling hand and takes a step back, tucking back her frozen clumps of hair. Her heart beats erratically and something flutters in her stomach when the girl flashes her striking eyes in her direction. She ducks her head to hide the pinkness of her cheeks, leaning down to gather up the soaked blanket and they head back towards the lodge in silence. The back of her neck feels hot and itchy. She’s never felt like this. What if she's sick? Is that possible? She makes a mental note to call her cousin later and keeps a list of all her strange symptoms. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Without words to fill the void, Kara listens to the howl of the wind and the crunch of their feet in the snow as they make the trek back. She smiles gratefully when the girl opens the door for her and trails after her as they head to the elevator. The fire still roars and there’s the smell of chocolate in the air. Some more hot chocolate sounds good, but she knows she should get back to bed in case her sister does wake. She would rather avoid explanations about her whereabouts, especially as she knows her sister will warn her about keeping her secret a secret. And she just wants to have one friend on this planet.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>They exchange shy grins as they enter the elevator. Kara presses the button for her floor, eyes flicking to the girl who holds up three fingers.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The doors open up to her floor and before the doors have a chance to close, she calls out, having almost forgotten. “Wait…what’s your name?” The girl catches the doors before they slide shut.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I was wondering when you’d ask. It’s Lena.” She flashes an almost blinding smile and the flutters are back. She really should talk to her cousin about that.  </em>
</p><p><em> “Well Lena, I’m Kara.” They quickly shake hands. “Uh breakfast tomorrow around eight?” Lena nods and the grin on </em> <em> Kara’s face remains until she falls asleep, lips curving up in her slumber as she dreams about a dark haired angel, the stars, and sweaty hands. </em></p>
<hr/><p>“Kara.” It’s not a question but a statement. </p><p>Hope blooms in her chest until Lena wrenches her hand out of Kara’s. “Oh so you are alive.” She scowls, though somehow she still manages to look really pretty. </p><p>“What?” </p><p>“You tell me. You're the one who ghosted me out of nowhere? I tried writing and calling, only for all of my letters to be sent back and the phone disconnected."</p><p>“Gh-ghosting you?”</p><p>“Blowing me off, ghosting whatever term you like. I don’t care. All I care about is how you said you’d call and then you didn’t." Her eyes are like spilled ink, dark and dangerous. "Actually no, you know what? I don’t give a fuck.”</p><p>“I didn’t mean to do that.” It was never her intention to leave Lena hanging. If she had some say in the matter, she would’ve kept Lena in her life forever.</p><p>“Oh spare me,” she scoffs, turning to leave.</p><p>“B-but wait,” Kara says, a tearful plea. </p><p>“I waited for you to call for a year. I moved on.”</p><p>“No Lena, you don’t understand.”</p><p>Lena whirls around, eyes glittering like hard, angry emeralds. “I don’t have to understand anything. I thought you were different but I guess you’re really just like everyone else. <em> Fake </em>.” </p><p>Kara flinches. “Lena, I promise it was out of my control.”</p><p>“Your promises mean nothing to me Kara. I’m not fifteen anymore. Just leave me alone, and we will be fine.” </p><p>Kara hates to do this. She really does, but she knows one thing that'll stop Lena from leaving. "Hot chocolate," she calls across the distance. </p><p>The words garner the reaction she expected. Lena halts in place, almost as if caught in a trap. She slowly pivots around. Her face is resigned, shoulder slumping as she looks at Kara, really looks at her. "Hot chocolate, really?"</p><p>"Yes, really," she nods. "I know you're mad. You have every right to be mad. But if you give me a chance to explain, I think it might put some of this into perspective. You don't even have to forgive me or like me." She hopes what she has to say will soften Lena to her. It's the first time she's ever had that specific glare directed at her and she wishes it wasn't. She hates this. She knows what it looks like. </p><p>Lena chews on her bottom lip, sucking on the abused appendage as she appraises Kara, searching for any hint of a lie before sighing. "Fine, hot chocolate, tomorrow at eight."</p><p>"Really?" Kara fails to hide the giant smile creeping onto her face. Lena isn't one to dole out second chances, that she doubts hasn't changed at all in the last decade. "You won't regret this.</p><p>Lena turns to leave, muttering, "I regret it already." Kara shakes her head knowingly. she can feel the stretch of Lena’s grin from where she stands. Maybe she’s mad, but she doesn’t hate her.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I wonder if anyone guessed but I messed around with the lyrics of Last Christmas for my title. And also hot chocolate rules.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So I'll be writing all of my Supergirl stories under my pseudonym from now on and in case you didn't know, I did change my name on <a href="https://sappho-mia.tumblr.com">
    <em>tumblr</em></a>. There will be a few more things posted before Christmas and of course a nice Christmas/holiday surprise on the 25th.<br/><a href="https://open.spotify.com/user/31ydlnvvi34vmjnqoplikpt3fbmm?si=d4e9lSWlRYeQB_HN4UyRYQ">
    <em>Spotify</em></a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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